A Second Breathe of Life

It's been a few days since my last post...and I feel a sense of new life has been given to me. As far as my marriage goes. He-he. My wife approached me of course, because that is how she is, that is why I love her. We went to Starbucks, got a couple drinks, and went and talked it all out. We talked about EVERYTHING....which was good. I did my very best to not let her speak. She didn't need to. I knew what I was guilty of....so I said my piece. I told her what I did, which physically, and emotionally...was nothing...but verbally it was so bad. And I realized that after the fact. But don't we usually? Ha-ha. And when I say "we" I mean Men. Duh. But anyway, it appears now that we will be fine. I sure do hope so. I love my happy little family. I would hate to lose it forever. Anyway, I just wanted to come back and give an update. Not that anyone is reading this...but its good to talk to someone...even if technically, you're talking to yourself. He-he.

2/26/09 Please God......

God please don't let today be the last day of my marriage. I know I have done many stupid things in this marriage, but I ask please don't let today be the last day. She is my wife, and I do love her so. We have hard times of course...who doesn't? I guess we don't have the faith in you, or the faith in each other to make it work. But i don't want to quit, I don't want to give up. I want to make this marriage work like it should. She is the love of my life. I know I have done things to make her feel different. Why I do these things, I will never really know...Will I ever do them again....no. She is my wife, my friend, the mother of our son.
See, I finally set up a myspace to stay off my wife's business one and kinda network to help there business from the sidelines. I also set it up to make new friends and find old ones...sadly in doing so I have found an old friend...Temptation. But it is not because i yearn for another, no...its because i am not a man, i am weak. I love my wife dearly of course...i find myself looking at another, like i said, not because i want another...but maybe because i don't feel the love i used to from my wife. I know longer get a "welcome home honey, how was your day?" when i get home from a bullshit day at work...I don't. And that sucks. I don't get the random phone calls during the day that i used to...you know the ones, the ones that were for no apparent reason at all except to say hi, or to hear your voice....yeah, those ones. I miss those. Strange thing is, i have hoped and actually requested a phone call like that over the last few weeks...but i get the "I'm too busy" vibe. Maybe I am reading too much into it. But I am a Libra, I am a romantic, an emotional romantic. If I am not feeling it, there I cant help but feel something is wrong...
She is my wife, I want to grow old with her, I want to have more children with her, I want to lie next to her for all eternity. She is the one for me, and I know this. I yearn for no other. My heart only goes to her, now and forever. I know this now, I hope she does too. I devote my life and my love to her and our family. I hope she will let me. God, please don't let this be the last day of my marriage...please.